Late-Night Revelations....

I've been sitting here listening to music and just thinking for a while.
It sounds so cliche and lame, but whatever.
It's actually been...really helpful.
I've come to some conclusions that I like.
They make me feel...okay.

In my last entry I was all concerned and regretful about telling people so much about myself.
I still feel like that, but eh, I'm getting over it.
It's fine. Whatever. I was trying out the whole 'open' thing. I tried it, didn't like it, and I'm learning from it.

My parents have been wanting me to 'seek help' a lot lately.
They really wanted me to go for it, but I've always been skeptical/nervous...not opposed, however.
I was really considering it for a while, mostly to make everyone else around me happier/relieved and because I thought that it might be a little interesting.

I've thought about it a lot tonight, though.
I'm not going to do it, and I'm pretty set in that.

I'm fine with how I am. It's just how I am. I've always been like this in a sense.
I'm alright. I'm not much of a threat to myself, and even if I am, what's it matter? It's my own personal problem that's no one else's business and no one else should get to have a say.

Right now I'm just feeling like...a lot (not all, but most) of my problems come from within and/or are rather self-inflicted.
It's, in a sense, my own doing, so I think that I should have to deal with fixing it (or not -- it's my choice) on my own.
If I want to make changes or "fix" myself, then I will.
If I don't want to, then I won't.
As long as I'm not a threat to anyone else, I don't see it as anyone else's business...and I don't even mean "business" in the sense that people are nosy or anything. I just mean that people shouldn't worry themselves over it.

I think that it's nice that my friends worry about me and care about me, I really do. You have no idea how much I appreciate that. I have some really ridiculously amazing friends. I truly appreciate everything that they've done for me.
However...
I really don't WANT them to worry.
I have everything under control.
I may go a little crazy sometimes or do things that seem like I'm out of control, but I'm not.
I have everything under control.
I'm fine.
The only person who should have to put up with my shit is myself.
No one else should have to worry or concern themselves with my stupid internal issues with myself. I have tons of them and the only person who can fix them is myself.
I've had some great conversations from people and my friends have given me great advice, but it doesn't actually help. I feel happier momentarily and I appreciate it, but it won't fix things. I hate to say that, but it's true.

Basically...
I just don't want people to worry.
I'm going to do what I'm going to do. I've always been like that anyway. I just want to make that clear.
I'm not going to accept any help because the only person who can fix whatever's wrong with me is myself.
Maybe I'll never fix it, or maybe I'll fix it tomorrow.
Who knows?
I just don't want anyone to worry or think about it.
I'll be fine.
Really.