There is so much that I'd like to say and need to say, but I can't bring myself to say it.
I love my friends and I trust them, but I can't seem to open up to them... and that's been a common criticism of my being for years from various people.
I'm always afraid that if I let people in, they'll either get sick of me or they'll not know what to do or say and they'll run away, even if they ARE good friends/people.
It is hard not being able to express what I'm feeling or thinking, though.
It's not like I enjoy being a closed person. It's actually kind of painful sometimes. I have so much bottled up inside of myself all of the time.
As I've said, I do love my friends and I trust them and they're easy to chat with, but I'm still afraid to completely let them in.
I've let Liz Reynolds in the most, I think. She probably knows the most about me right now. I trust her and in this case, I do KNOW that she wouldn't run away or get freaked/weirded out or anything. I know that for a fact, but yet...I STILL can't completely say everything.
I don't necessarily want to tell everything to everyone, but it'd be nice to not have so many secrets.
I've been struggling with some things a lot over the years.
Some of these things are things that I'd quit or thought were behind me, but they're not.
I'm afraid that they'll never be fully behind me.
I spent way too much time thinking yesterday, and it wasn't for the better.
In some ways, I'm not really doing very well right now.
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