Worried Sick...Literally

Well, I'm sick today.
I was sick yesterday too, but I went to school.
Today I just... I don't know. I felt worse and I checked the Daily Planner and saw that I wouldn't miss much, so my mom just let me go for it.
I feel kind of dumb for using up one of my days (since I'm trying to be exempt from finals) already, but oh well. What happens, happens.

I probably would've gone to school if I hadn't been so stressed out.

On Sunday night my dad went into the hospital. He's still there. There's a chance that he'll get out today or tonight, though, so that's good.

He'd just been feeling awful all weekend with a migraine that wouldn't go away, and then on Sunday night he checked his blood pressure and it was 2x as high as the severe end of the healthy range, and he started to feel numb and whatnot, so he decided to go to the emergency room.

My mom drove him there and said that she'd call me as soon as she had news, and she didn't call for like...three hours because that's the first chance she had to call me. Needless to say, I was at home all anxious and worried, expecting the worst.
I mean, everything that had been happening to him seemed like either a stroke or a heart attack, so I was just freaking out...and the fact that it took three hours for my mom to call me made me even more nervous.

He's doing okay though.
They've done a bunch of tests on his heart and other organs, along with some brain scans.
So far so good.
It looks like he just has a really bad infection (sinuses and lungs) that hit his bloodstream and just stressed his whole body out.
They're still trying to figure out why he was having heart problems, though - that part isn't making sense to them.

I think he'll be fine...and as I said before, there's a good chance that he'll be coming home today or tonight. :)

I just haven't been that worried and scared in a long time. I did just about everything I could to calm myself down (smoked, drank, cut), but nothing worked until my mom finally called. I feel kind of ashamed, but oh well.

I really thought that he was going to die. His health isn't the best to begin with, and all of that just sounded really bad... and I was getting super depressed because that day, my dad and I had been fighting a lot and being angry with each other, so I was having one of those typical moments of regret, like, wow...what if today was his last day alive? I'd feel like shit for the rest of my life knowing that we were angry with each other on his last day on earth.

I was oddly superstitious that day too. Sunday was apparently the 45th anniversary of the day that my dad's dad died. Also, I'd had a dream over the weekend that my dad had died, which freaked me out to begin with, but freaked me out even more later.

Oh well.
Things are better now.
I feel kind of weird saying all of that on a place that's so public. I don't normally share this much..
In a way, it felt good, but in another way... I don't like being that open.