Suddenly last night I just was overcome with a horrible mood.
I'm just disappointed with this year so far.
It's turning out to be slightly reminiscent of last year, which, as you should know by now, was a really horrible year for me.
I hardly see any of my 'main' group of friends anymore...partly because I don't have classes with a lot of them...but I've also noticed that they hang out a lot on the weekends and I just wonder like...is there a reason why you didn't call me?
Sure, I suppose I could start calling around to see what everyone's up to, but I find that just weird. What if they really don't want to hang out with me and I'm just making it awkward by calling them to ask them what they're up to? What if they're in the middle of something? I also would feel like I was inviting myself if I started to call people and ask what they're up to, and no one likes that. I mean, it's just weird for me since I'm never the one to make any plans, so I don't know... It's just weird for me to call around.
I've also heard of a lot of shit-talking behind my back, coming from mostly one person in particular, and I really don't appreciate that. If you have a problem with me, I'd prefer it if you'd take it up with me...not everyone ELSE around me.
All of this makes me have some serious doubts about myself.
I don't like myself very much to begin with, but when people who are supposed to be my friends talk shit about me and don't seem to want to hang out with me, it makes me doubt myself even more.
I've always thought that I have a decent personality. I think that I'm really nice, occasionally funny, and fairly intelligent. Sure, I definitely have some flaws too, but overall I think I'm a pretty easy person to get along with, but all of this makes me doubt that and think that I'm annoying, stupid, irritating, etc.
I'm just in a really bad mood...and believe me, this whole friend thing is only a tiny fraction of what's bothering me. I just don't want to talk about any of the other things that are bothering me.
I was really hoping that this year would be super amazing and the best of all time since it's our senior year, but so far it's proven to be rather mediocre. I'd certainly like to change that.
1 comment:
I think the problem a lot of people who feel left out face is the dilemma of inviting yourself... I never wanted to do that so I spent a lot of time by myself. Definitely don't be afraid to impose or call! If your friends are talking about you, it's because they care and they want to help you out but they don't know how to say what they really think to your face. Also it could depend on like what they're doing. Cause like... if you don't have fun bowling and your friends know that, they probably won't want to invite you.
Idk anything about it, these are just kinda my thoughts. I'm sure senior year will improve =]
Post a Comment