Lately I've just been feeling really weird...
I feel like maybe I'm missing out on some things, but then again I'm not interested in any of the things that I'm possibly missing out on.
A lot of what's supposedly the "college experience" does not appeal to me, but I wonder if I should try harder to do some of the things that are expected or routine.
I really really wanted to live off-campus, and I still do so I'm happy with my decision, but sometimes I wonder if I should've lived on-campus. Maybe I'd know more people by now, but maybe not. I really would not enjoy living on-campus for a lot of reasons/personal preferences, so ultimately I'm happy with my decision, but I don't know.
I've joined a couple of clubs, but I don't know how active I'll be in them. Going to meetings alone makes me really nervous.
I'm just really unsure right now. College has turned me into kind of a lonely person. I don't really feel lonely, but I probably seem lonely...if that makes sense.
Making friends was not and is not at the top of my list of priorities regarding college. I didn't apply and pay for it so I could sit around and socialize.
I just wonder if I'll ever make any friends.
Maybe it'll get better soon...after it doesn't feel like the beginning of a new year.
It was a sad day when I had the really profound epiphany that college is still school.
I just need to get into a better frame of mind.
On a happier note, my classes are going well. I'm keeping up and doing well. I just need to put forth a little more effort in math and I should be good.
I just feel weird and stressed...about a lot of things. School is only one thing that's contributing to my stress and weird feelings.
I should probably just get over some of it, but other things are out of my control. I guess I should just suck it up.
I'm just really devoid of all energy, and all of this stuff with my dad is just neverending and I'm so sick of dealing with it. I just want him to come home and be healthy and normal, but to be honest and realistic, he probably won't ever be, and it's depressing to have a dad who's practically an invalid. It's depressing for him too, don't get me wrong. This isn't all about me.
Lately I have just had too much stress and not enough sleep.
I need to find a better way to deal with things.
I also need to quit complaining, so I'll end this blog here.
Saturday, September 12, 2009
Sunday, August 30, 2009
My first week of college...
My first week went surprisingly well.
I shouldn't have been so ridiculously stressed out, to be honest, but that's just how I am.
Overall it's been really cool...and I like college a lot more than high school.
All of my classes have been fine. I haven't really made any awful noob mistakes yet either.
I love my computer science professor. He's so cool. I also have him for the first year experience class that I have to take, which makes that class less painful.
Basically, I just love the computer science department a lot so far....all of the faculty I've met, the people in the program, etc. It's exactly what I wanted.
There is only one thing that I'm worried about right now, and that's making friends.
I'm sure I've already beaten this subject to death, but it's been stressing me out.
I don't feel the need to always be surrounded by people, so I'm not looking to make an entire group of friends.
It'd just be nice to have a couple of people to talk to. That's all I'm looking for.
I've always been an introverted person and I've always valued my alone time, but I do like to have some close companions as well.
We'll see though.
I won't stress out too much -- it's only been a week.
I'll probably meet people through band and computer science and stuff.
It should be fine.
Hopefully the second week of college will be just as good! ;)
I shouldn't have been so ridiculously stressed out, to be honest, but that's just how I am.
Overall it's been really cool...and I like college a lot more than high school.
All of my classes have been fine. I haven't really made any awful noob mistakes yet either.
I love my computer science professor. He's so cool. I also have him for the first year experience class that I have to take, which makes that class less painful.
Basically, I just love the computer science department a lot so far....all of the faculty I've met, the people in the program, etc. It's exactly what I wanted.
There is only one thing that I'm worried about right now, and that's making friends.
I'm sure I've already beaten this subject to death, but it's been stressing me out.
I don't feel the need to always be surrounded by people, so I'm not looking to make an entire group of friends.
It'd just be nice to have a couple of people to talk to. That's all I'm looking for.
I've always been an introverted person and I've always valued my alone time, but I do like to have some close companions as well.
We'll see though.
I won't stress out too much -- it's only been a week.
I'll probably meet people through band and computer science and stuff.
It should be fine.
Hopefully the second week of college will be just as good! ;)
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
First day of college classes...
I survived the first day, and it actually went fairly well.
I only had Computer Science for ten minutes, though.
Tuesdays and Thursdays are computer lab days in that class, and we obviously had nothing to work on, so he let us go early after a quick introduction.
After that, I hung out with Dezi and played some Left 4 Dead, which was enjoyable.
Then I ran into Josh and went to pre-calc, which was fine...but I doubt it'll be fine for much longer!
After that I walked home and then went up to the hospital and to OfficeMax with my mom.
Finally I returned to campus to go to psych, which was great! It's 2 1/2 hours long, but it does not feel that long. It's a big class of 300+ students, which I like, and it's interesting. The professor is really cool.
Tomorrow I have English 120 (8 AM!!!!!), pre-calc, computer science, and the first year experience class.
I'm a little less nervous now.
It's kind of fun, actually.
I only had Computer Science for ten minutes, though.
Tuesdays and Thursdays are computer lab days in that class, and we obviously had nothing to work on, so he let us go early after a quick introduction.
After that, I hung out with Dezi and played some Left 4 Dead, which was enjoyable.
Then I ran into Josh and went to pre-calc, which was fine...but I doubt it'll be fine for much longer!
After that I walked home and then went up to the hospital and to OfficeMax with my mom.
Finally I returned to campus to go to psych, which was great! It's 2 1/2 hours long, but it does not feel that long. It's a big class of 300+ students, which I like, and it's interesting. The professor is really cool.
Tomorrow I have English 120 (8 AM!!!!!), pre-calc, computer science, and the first year experience class.
I'm a little less nervous now.
It's kind of fun, actually.
AHHHHHHH
I have my first college class in SEVEN HOURS!
AHHHHHH.
My day will include Computer Science I, Pre-calc, and Intro to Psychology.
AHHHHHH!!!!
AHHHHHH.
My day will include Computer Science I, Pre-calc, and Intro to Psychology.
AHHHHHH!!!!
Sunday, August 23, 2009
Two days left...
It's Sunday now, so I have two days left of summer...
I guess this is the part where I talk about how I should make the most of it and how I'm excited for this new chapter in my life and blah blah blah, but I'm not. I'm not going to say any of that, because I don't feel that way.
Honestly? I'll probably waste the last two days of my summer by not doing anything overly remarkable or productive.
Honestly? I'm not excited for this new 'chapter' of my life, this new beginning...and all of those other cliches you can think of. I'm not excited at all. I'm nervous, anxious, stressed, and really dreading it. I know that's totally and completely the wrong attitude to have, but that's just how I feel right now. I'm just flat-out not looking forward to it.
The last few weeks of summer have been really terrible for me, so I feel a little cheated. I want more summer. I want a break, but I certainly won't be getting one anytime soon, what with school right around the corner.
But I'll stop complaining.
I just had a particularly bad day. They've all been bad for the most part lately, but this one just kind of sticks out.
I'll try to fix my attitude and I'll try to enjoy these last two days. There's not much else I can do.
I guess this is the part where I talk about how I should make the most of it and how I'm excited for this new chapter in my life and blah blah blah, but I'm not. I'm not going to say any of that, because I don't feel that way.
Honestly? I'll probably waste the last two days of my summer by not doing anything overly remarkable or productive.
Honestly? I'm not excited for this new 'chapter' of my life, this new beginning...and all of those other cliches you can think of. I'm not excited at all. I'm nervous, anxious, stressed, and really dreading it. I know that's totally and completely the wrong attitude to have, but that's just how I feel right now. I'm just flat-out not looking forward to it.
The last few weeks of summer have been really terrible for me, so I feel a little cheated. I want more summer. I want a break, but I certainly won't be getting one anytime soon, what with school right around the corner.
But I'll stop complaining.
I just had a particularly bad day. They've all been bad for the most part lately, but this one just kind of sticks out.
I'll try to fix my attitude and I'll try to enjoy these last two days. There's not much else I can do.
Thursday, August 20, 2009
Stressed..
School is approaching, and I'm stressing out quite a lot.
There have been a lot of stressful things going on lately, though, and not all of them have to do with school.
I'm not going to get into major details here because I don't really want to or feel the need to, but my dad's been in the hospital for two weeks now. He was originally there to have surgery to remove the cancer, but there have been tons and tons of complications and daily setbacks. It's getting really tiring and it's ridiculously taxing...for everyone.
School starts very soon, though.
I've gotten almost all of my textbooks. I just have to get another math book and they'll be in on the 25th, so I'll go get it before going to my first class.
I'm worried about being around so many people that I don't know.
One good thing about high school was the high level of comfort. Sure, you probably hated most of the people you were around...but at least they were familiar faces, and at least you had someone you could work with in every class if the occasion arose.
I'll know a lot of people at NDSU. Or, at least, right now it seems like I know a good number of people. However, when you put it into perspective, there are over 13,000 students going there, and I don't even know 1,000 of them...or 500...or 250....and who says that the people I know will EVER have a class with me?
I'm just worried...very, very worried.
I don't know how I've managed to make so many friends over the years, since I'm really pathetic when it comes to meeting people.
Honestly, I've met about 1/2 to 3/4 of my friends through JCL, and somehow that has been relatively easy.
I'm going to feel so lost without the JCL or my Latin class to be there for me every day. It'll be so weird. Yeah, sure, I'm in SCL now, but it's totally different. I'm away from Volk, the friendly and familiar faces of my Latin class, and most of my friends from the JCL. It scares me. It really does.
I don't know how I'm going to make friends or meet people. Everything I have to do in college will be out of my comfort zone, and I'm just...worried. I'm worried that I won't do enough or meet enough people.
I have a very hard time making friends and meeting people if I don't have someone by my side to do the majority of the initial talking. That's just how I am.
Either I'm going to have to really step it up, or I'm just not going to bother and I'll HOPEFULLY just throw myself into my homework and studying.
I want to do really well in college.
I've already set forth a bunch of academic goals that I'd like to achieve.
I'm afraid of getting lazy. I'd like to think that paying for my education is enough to motivate me to work as hard as I can, but I still have a small sense of doubt.
I hope that I don't waste my time/money or anyone else's.
A lot of my classes are going to be challenging. The computer and math classes will be hard, and I'm hoping that I'll have enough of a drive to succeed and flourish.
I used to be a ridiculously crazy overachiever, and I'm hoping that I can go back to that. I'm hoping that I can stop procrastinating and just doing the bare minimum and just scraping by.
I really want to do well.
Some of these classes are really intimidating, though.
I just hope that I can do it.
I do have a passion for computers, and I'm hoping that this passion is strong enough.
If I end up changing my major -- which I don't want to do at this point -- it'll probably be to biology or psychology. I can't see myself doing anything but those or computers.
I just hope that I can handle computer science.
I start classes on the 25th. I'll have Computer Science, Pre-Calc, and Intro to Psychology.
I hope I can handle it.
There have been a lot of stressful things going on lately, though, and not all of them have to do with school.
I'm not going to get into major details here because I don't really want to or feel the need to, but my dad's been in the hospital for two weeks now. He was originally there to have surgery to remove the cancer, but there have been tons and tons of complications and daily setbacks. It's getting really tiring and it's ridiculously taxing...for everyone.
School starts very soon, though.
I've gotten almost all of my textbooks. I just have to get another math book and they'll be in on the 25th, so I'll go get it before going to my first class.
I'm worried about being around so many people that I don't know.
One good thing about high school was the high level of comfort. Sure, you probably hated most of the people you were around...but at least they were familiar faces, and at least you had someone you could work with in every class if the occasion arose.
I'll know a lot of people at NDSU. Or, at least, right now it seems like I know a good number of people. However, when you put it into perspective, there are over 13,000 students going there, and I don't even know 1,000 of them...or 500...or 250....and who says that the people I know will EVER have a class with me?
I'm just worried...very, very worried.
I don't know how I've managed to make so many friends over the years, since I'm really pathetic when it comes to meeting people.
Honestly, I've met about 1/2 to 3/4 of my friends through JCL, and somehow that has been relatively easy.
I'm going to feel so lost without the JCL or my Latin class to be there for me every day. It'll be so weird. Yeah, sure, I'm in SCL now, but it's totally different. I'm away from Volk, the friendly and familiar faces of my Latin class, and most of my friends from the JCL. It scares me. It really does.
I don't know how I'm going to make friends or meet people. Everything I have to do in college will be out of my comfort zone, and I'm just...worried. I'm worried that I won't do enough or meet enough people.
I have a very hard time making friends and meeting people if I don't have someone by my side to do the majority of the initial talking. That's just how I am.
Either I'm going to have to really step it up, or I'm just not going to bother and I'll HOPEFULLY just throw myself into my homework and studying.
I want to do really well in college.
I've already set forth a bunch of academic goals that I'd like to achieve.
I'm afraid of getting lazy. I'd like to think that paying for my education is enough to motivate me to work as hard as I can, but I still have a small sense of doubt.
I hope that I don't waste my time/money or anyone else's.
A lot of my classes are going to be challenging. The computer and math classes will be hard, and I'm hoping that I'll have enough of a drive to succeed and flourish.
I used to be a ridiculously crazy overachiever, and I'm hoping that I can go back to that. I'm hoping that I can stop procrastinating and just doing the bare minimum and just scraping by.
I really want to do well.
Some of these classes are really intimidating, though.
I just hope that I can do it.
I do have a passion for computers, and I'm hoping that this passion is strong enough.
If I end up changing my major -- which I don't want to do at this point -- it'll probably be to biology or psychology. I can't see myself doing anything but those or computers.
I just hope that I can handle computer science.
I start classes on the 25th. I'll have Computer Science, Pre-Calc, and Intro to Psychology.
I hope I can handle it.
Monday, August 3, 2009
Nationals, California, & swine flu!!!
I got back from Nationals on Sunday afternoon.
It was absolutely amazing!
I'd have to say that it's my second favorite convention. Tennessee is still my favorite, but California is a close second. It was SO good.
At first I was a little worried because the first day of being in California was really hellish, but now I realize that it was because I wasn't used to the 100-degree weather...and I'd been up for two days straight. We were all a little delirious.
Convention was epic and wonderful.
The only problem is that it went by far too quickly.
It was so much fun. I want to go back. :(
I put together a little list of the memories so I can look back on them and smile...
After convention, we went to San Francisco, which was EPIC.
At first we stayed with the group and went to the Fisherman's Wharf and the chocolate place, but then I went off with Jared, Laura, and Andrew. We used subways and buses and stuff and it was really fun just wandering around.
The highlights of our adventure included Chinatown, Castro, and OMG...HAIGHT-ASHBURY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I was so excited. I'd been wanting to go there for years!!! Ahh, it was everything that I'd hoped. :) Amazing. I MUST go back. LOVE IT. LOVE the hippies!!!
It felt good to get home, though, because after San Francisco, my body was just dead. I stayed up for two days straight again...and with sore legs! I'm okay now though.
I started getting sick on the day that we returned, and it has been getting worse ever since then.
We got an email from someone at the JCL saying that someone contracted swine flu/H1N1 at convention.
I had/have all of the symptoms, so Dard called the hospital and explained the situation and my symptoms to them and they said that if I went in, they'd definitely diagnose me with swine flu. I didn't want to go in, so I'm going to take that as an official diagnosis. ;D
I'm actually glad that I have swine flu...and, well, that it's mild. I don't want to die. xD
It's cool though!
It'll be so sweet to be like, "yeah, I had swine flu. WUT"
All in all I had a fucking amazing trip.
I want to go backkkkkkkkk. =(
I can't wait another year for Nationals!!!!
School is coming up.
Classes start in like 20 days.
I'm super nervous.
I hope I get better soon so I can enjoy the rest of my summer.... D:
It was absolutely amazing!
I'd have to say that it's my second favorite convention. Tennessee is still my favorite, but California is a close second. It was SO good.
At first I was a little worried because the first day of being in California was really hellish, but now I realize that it was because I wasn't used to the 100-degree weather...and I'd been up for two days straight. We were all a little delirious.
Convention was epic and wonderful.
The only problem is that it went by far too quickly.
It was so much fun. I want to go back. :(
I put together a little list of the memories so I can look back on them and smile...
- The walks back from fellowship every night with Schneider
- "I'm not a bad guy"
- "I think I might be a rebel"
- "Why you breakin' mah FAN?!?!"
- "BACK TO ME!"
- "You can't just quit Big Booty that quickly!"
- "Hawwwwwwwwwt"
- "Are those like...clouds or something? Smog?"
- "I HATE that other guy running for historian...but the guy who plays the sax, he's cool."
- "Speak your peace!"
- "Ice cream ur doin it rong"
- "Vivemus et amamus, mea Meister"
- "Jacob Meister, Sarbajeet, Lindsay Barleycorn"
- "He is BRILLIANT."
- Winnie the Pooh
- "Check it."
- "P is for Party, A is for All night long, R is for Right now, T is for Take it slow, Y is for whY not!"
- "Guacamole, cinnamon twist!"
- Big Booty<3
- "How goes the cookin'?"
- Couple of dudes!
After convention, we went to San Francisco, which was EPIC.
At first we stayed with the group and went to the Fisherman's Wharf and the chocolate place, but then I went off with Jared, Laura, and Andrew. We used subways and buses and stuff and it was really fun just wandering around.
The highlights of our adventure included Chinatown, Castro, and OMG...HAIGHT-ASHBURY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I was so excited. I'd been wanting to go there for years!!! Ahh, it was everything that I'd hoped. :) Amazing. I MUST go back. LOVE IT. LOVE the hippies!!!
It felt good to get home, though, because after San Francisco, my body was just dead. I stayed up for two days straight again...and with sore legs! I'm okay now though.
I started getting sick on the day that we returned, and it has been getting worse ever since then.
We got an email from someone at the JCL saying that someone contracted swine flu/H1N1 at convention.
I had/have all of the symptoms, so Dard called the hospital and explained the situation and my symptoms to them and they said that if I went in, they'd definitely diagnose me with swine flu. I didn't want to go in, so I'm going to take that as an official diagnosis. ;D
I'm actually glad that I have swine flu...and, well, that it's mild. I don't want to die. xD
It's cool though!
It'll be so sweet to be like, "yeah, I had swine flu. WUT"
All in all I had a fucking amazing trip.
I want to go backkkkkkkkk. =(
I can't wait another year for Nationals!!!!
School is coming up.
Classes start in like 20 days.
I'm super nervous.
I hope I get better soon so I can enjoy the rest of my summer.... D:
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