We've been doing a little state planning lately.
I'm kind of excited.
I hope it turns out well.
This weekend was alright.
On Friday night I hung out with just Laura and Andrew.
That was interesting. :)
On Sunday I had lunch and went to the mall with Zena and Hannah.
We hadn't hung out in forever.
It was nice...really nice, actually.
She gave me a really cute, sweet apology for the situation that happened like two years ago.
I apologized for blowing up at her two years ago.
It was nice.
We're kind of getting to be normal around each other again.
I feel bad... She was really fucked over by her last relationship... Like seriously.
I love Zena.
She's happier now, so she's more like her old self again.
She's great. =)
After that, I did Ovid with Jared and Laura at the FCC.
It took so long...but it was nice!
Monday is "Hawaiian Shirt Day" among my friends and their friends, but I have a feeling that it's going to kind of fail.
Oh well.
I'll wear my shirt under my sweatshirt anyway just in case it doesn't completely fail.
Things have been okay lately.
I'm still really really tired of school, and I'm still trying to make decisions about college and whatnot.
I've also been a little depressed off and on, but whatever. Things are good. I love my friends, my grades are good, I've gotten into some colleges, and I'm doing well. :]
I wish I could get over my little crush on a certain someone, however...
It's weird, embarrassing, and really pointless! =P
Monday, March 2, 2009
Thursday, February 19, 2009
I'm Alright
I'm doing alright.
Last weekend was good -- I spent much of it with the same group of people...plus Josh Boe on his birthday.
This week so far has been really long, oddly stressful, and ridiculously tiring.
I'm exhausted...but I'm okay. =)
Tonight I think I'm going to study some AP Econ with Liz and Noah. We have a test tomorrow. :/
This weekend should be good.
I have a double pep band on Friday and tentative plans on Saturday and Sunday already...and those tentative plans include watching anime at Jason's and doing Ovid with people on Sunday.
I love studying and doing homework with people.
I used to find it so hard to focus on the work with friends, but I'm finding it a lot easier now.
It makes it a lot less painful. :)
I really miss Philadelphia and New Jersey and all of my relatives there right now...
I hope I can make it back there soon.. I also hope that I can move there within four years.
For now, I guess I'll just have to be fine with where I am.
Overall, things are okay right now...despite my nightly episodes of depression and extreme stress. :P
Last weekend was good -- I spent much of it with the same group of people...plus Josh Boe on his birthday.
This week so far has been really long, oddly stressful, and ridiculously tiring.
I'm exhausted...but I'm okay. =)
Tonight I think I'm going to study some AP Econ with Liz and Noah. We have a test tomorrow. :/
This weekend should be good.
I have a double pep band on Friday and tentative plans on Saturday and Sunday already...and those tentative plans include watching anime at Jason's and doing Ovid with people on Sunday.
I love studying and doing homework with people.
I used to find it so hard to focus on the work with friends, but I'm finding it a lot easier now.
It makes it a lot less painful. :)
I really miss Philadelphia and New Jersey and all of my relatives there right now...
I hope I can make it back there soon.. I also hope that I can move there within four years.
For now, I guess I'll just have to be fine with where I am.
Overall, things are okay right now...despite my nightly episodes of depression and extreme stress. :P
Sunday, February 8, 2009
Another Good Weekend
I just feel on top of the world right now.
I always feel like that after a good weekend.
On Friday I hung out with Liz Reynolds, Laura, Andrew, and Dis Kid. We went to the mall and Perkins and drove around a bit.
On Saturday I hung out with Jason, Liz, Laura, and Andrew. Again, we drove around...and just kind of hung out. It was nice yet again.
I think I'm just going to stay home and do homework and chill on Sunday. That sounds nice to me.
I just...actually feel good right now.
It's almost weird, but it's nice.
I love good weekends.
I'm just so happy with my current friends. I can't stress it enough. They don't make me feel worthless and they're all funny as hell. We have good times, even if we're just driving around aimlessly all night...or spending the night at Perkins or something like that.
It's so nice to not feel pressure anymore.
I'm okay with being myself around them.
I don't have to worry about what I'm saying or doing, and I don't have to worry whether or not I'll be invited the next time anymore.
Things are just so real and less petty with them.
Ahhh.. =)
I don't mean to keep talking about it, but I'm just so happy with the aspect of friendship in my life. It's been awhile since I've been this happy with that aspect of my life, so I keep feeling the need to shout it out on the rooftops at all times.
I'll stop now, though. ;)
I always feel like that after a good weekend.
On Friday I hung out with Liz Reynolds, Laura, Andrew, and Dis Kid. We went to the mall and Perkins and drove around a bit.
On Saturday I hung out with Jason, Liz, Laura, and Andrew. Again, we drove around...and just kind of hung out. It was nice yet again.
I think I'm just going to stay home and do homework and chill on Sunday. That sounds nice to me.
I just...actually feel good right now.
It's almost weird, but it's nice.
I love good weekends.
I'm just so happy with my current friends. I can't stress it enough. They don't make me feel worthless and they're all funny as hell. We have good times, even if we're just driving around aimlessly all night...or spending the night at Perkins or something like that.
It's so nice to not feel pressure anymore.
I'm okay with being myself around them.
I don't have to worry about what I'm saying or doing, and I don't have to worry whether or not I'll be invited the next time anymore.
Things are just so real and less petty with them.
Ahhh.. =)
I don't mean to keep talking about it, but I'm just so happy with the aspect of friendship in my life. It's been awhile since I've been this happy with that aspect of my life, so I keep feeling the need to shout it out on the rooftops at all times.
I'll stop now, though. ;)
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
Worried Sick...Literally
Well, I'm sick today.
I was sick yesterday too, but I went to school.
Today I just... I don't know. I felt worse and I checked the Daily Planner and saw that I wouldn't miss much, so my mom just let me go for it.
I feel kind of dumb for using up one of my days (since I'm trying to be exempt from finals) already, but oh well. What happens, happens.
I probably would've gone to school if I hadn't been so stressed out.
On Sunday night my dad went into the hospital. He's still there. There's a chance that he'll get out today or tonight, though, so that's good.
He'd just been feeling awful all weekend with a migraine that wouldn't go away, and then on Sunday night he checked his blood pressure and it was 2x as high as the severe end of the healthy range, and he started to feel numb and whatnot, so he decided to go to the emergency room.
My mom drove him there and said that she'd call me as soon as she had news, and she didn't call for like...three hours because that's the first chance she had to call me. Needless to say, I was at home all anxious and worried, expecting the worst.
I mean, everything that had been happening to him seemed like either a stroke or a heart attack, so I was just freaking out...and the fact that it took three hours for my mom to call me made me even more nervous.
He's doing okay though.
They've done a bunch of tests on his heart and other organs, along with some brain scans.
So far so good.
It looks like he just has a really bad infection (sinuses and lungs) that hit his bloodstream and just stressed his whole body out.
They're still trying to figure out why he was having heart problems, though - that part isn't making sense to them.
I think he'll be fine...and as I said before, there's a good chance that he'll be coming home today or tonight. :)
I just haven't been that worried and scared in a long time. I did just about everything I could to calm myself down (smoked, drank, cut), but nothing worked until my mom finally called. I feel kind of ashamed, but oh well.
I really thought that he was going to die. His health isn't the best to begin with, and all of that just sounded really bad... and I was getting super depressed because that day, my dad and I had been fighting a lot and being angry with each other, so I was having one of those typical moments of regret, like, wow...what if today was his last day alive? I'd feel like shit for the rest of my life knowing that we were angry with each other on his last day on earth.
I was oddly superstitious that day too. Sunday was apparently the 45th anniversary of the day that my dad's dad died. Also, I'd had a dream over the weekend that my dad had died, which freaked me out to begin with, but freaked me out even more later.
Oh well.
Things are better now.
I feel kind of weird saying all of that on a place that's so public. I don't normally share this much..
In a way, it felt good, but in another way... I don't like being that open.
I was sick yesterday too, but I went to school.
Today I just... I don't know. I felt worse and I checked the Daily Planner and saw that I wouldn't miss much, so my mom just let me go for it.
I feel kind of dumb for using up one of my days (since I'm trying to be exempt from finals) already, but oh well. What happens, happens.
I probably would've gone to school if I hadn't been so stressed out.
On Sunday night my dad went into the hospital. He's still there. There's a chance that he'll get out today or tonight, though, so that's good.
He'd just been feeling awful all weekend with a migraine that wouldn't go away, and then on Sunday night he checked his blood pressure and it was 2x as high as the severe end of the healthy range, and he started to feel numb and whatnot, so he decided to go to the emergency room.
My mom drove him there and said that she'd call me as soon as she had news, and she didn't call for like...three hours because that's the first chance she had to call me. Needless to say, I was at home all anxious and worried, expecting the worst.
I mean, everything that had been happening to him seemed like either a stroke or a heart attack, so I was just freaking out...and the fact that it took three hours for my mom to call me made me even more nervous.
He's doing okay though.
They've done a bunch of tests on his heart and other organs, along with some brain scans.
So far so good.
It looks like he just has a really bad infection (sinuses and lungs) that hit his bloodstream and just stressed his whole body out.
They're still trying to figure out why he was having heart problems, though - that part isn't making sense to them.
I think he'll be fine...and as I said before, there's a good chance that he'll be coming home today or tonight. :)
I just haven't been that worried and scared in a long time. I did just about everything I could to calm myself down (smoked, drank, cut), but nothing worked until my mom finally called. I feel kind of ashamed, but oh well.
I really thought that he was going to die. His health isn't the best to begin with, and all of that just sounded really bad... and I was getting super depressed because that day, my dad and I had been fighting a lot and being angry with each other, so I was having one of those typical moments of regret, like, wow...what if today was his last day alive? I'd feel like shit for the rest of my life knowing that we were angry with each other on his last day on earth.
I was oddly superstitious that day too. Sunday was apparently the 45th anniversary of the day that my dad's dad died. Also, I'd had a dream over the weekend that my dad had died, which freaked me out to begin with, but freaked me out even more later.
Oh well.
Things are better now.
I feel kind of weird saying all of that on a place that's so public. I don't normally share this much..
In a way, it felt good, but in another way... I don't like being that open.
Sunday, February 1, 2009
Great Weekend, Mixed Emotions
So far I've had a really good weekend.
On Friday after school, Liz Reynolds and I left together and just drove around aimlessly as we always do. Eventually we decided to go to Moxie Java with our laptops and do some JCL stuff. After a while, Jason met us there and then we went and picked up Andrew. We were originally going to go to Argusville and go into the school, but in the end, it looked too risky because the town was more JUMPIN' than usual...so we just drove around some more and then went to Wal-Mart just for fun. It was a great night, and we all agreed that it needs to happen more often. :)
Yesterday I didn't do too much, but it was nice. I talked to my brother for the first time in seriously years. It was really weird...but nice at the same time. He's a really nice guy.
Today I'm hopefully going to work on the massive pile of AP Econ that's waiting for me, but who knows... I also have a little Latin to do. Bleh. Homework day. I hate Sundays.
In some ways, lately I've been the happiest that I've been in a long time. I finally feel free of petty friendship "drama" and bullshit because the people I'm close with now are a little more accepting and less two-faced. I've yet to have a problem with any of the people I'm close with now, so that's great. It's really nice. I love my friends. They're hilarious, caring, fun to be around, laidback, intelligent, etc. I could not be happier in that aspect of my life. It feels good to be chill and carefree with friends again. I'd really missed that. :)
However, I've been feeling really depressed at the same time... I haven't felt this shitty in probably my whole life. I had some bad times in 8th and 11th grade, but I feel like this is much worse. I'm not going to elaborate because the last time I did, somebody who read my blog told another friend of mine that I was "suicidal over the weekend," which lead to an embarrassing conversation, so I'm just going to keep my mouth shut because I don't want to deal with that again.
I have never been more ready to graduate in my life. I used to want to cling to every last second of high school, but now I'm just itching to get out. I'll miss some people, but it looks like I'll be sticking around for my time as an undergrad. I don't really want to, but that's the most logical thing for me right now for a lot of reasons. I'll most likely be going to NDSU. I'm thinking about majoring in Computer Science. I'd like to major in Computer Engineering and have a possible minor in Computer Science or something else, but I don't know if I could handle Computer Engineering. I'm excited though...nervous but excited.
Well, that's all for now.
I don't know why I even update this thing anymore. It doesn't do much for me, and I know that only a couple of people read it every once in a while. Eh.
On Friday after school, Liz Reynolds and I left together and just drove around aimlessly as we always do. Eventually we decided to go to Moxie Java with our laptops and do some JCL stuff. After a while, Jason met us there and then we went and picked up Andrew. We were originally going to go to Argusville and go into the school, but in the end, it looked too risky because the town was more JUMPIN' than usual...so we just drove around some more and then went to Wal-Mart just for fun. It was a great night, and we all agreed that it needs to happen more often. :)
Yesterday I didn't do too much, but it was nice. I talked to my brother for the first time in seriously years. It was really weird...but nice at the same time. He's a really nice guy.
Today I'm hopefully going to work on the massive pile of AP Econ that's waiting for me, but who knows... I also have a little Latin to do. Bleh. Homework day. I hate Sundays.
In some ways, lately I've been the happiest that I've been in a long time. I finally feel free of petty friendship "drama" and bullshit because the people I'm close with now are a little more accepting and less two-faced. I've yet to have a problem with any of the people I'm close with now, so that's great. It's really nice. I love my friends. They're hilarious, caring, fun to be around, laidback, intelligent, etc. I could not be happier in that aspect of my life. It feels good to be chill and carefree with friends again. I'd really missed that. :)
However, I've been feeling really depressed at the same time... I haven't felt this shitty in probably my whole life. I had some bad times in 8th and 11th grade, but I feel like this is much worse. I'm not going to elaborate because the last time I did, somebody who read my blog told another friend of mine that I was "suicidal over the weekend," which lead to an embarrassing conversation, so I'm just going to keep my mouth shut because I don't want to deal with that again.
I have never been more ready to graduate in my life. I used to want to cling to every last second of high school, but now I'm just itching to get out. I'll miss some people, but it looks like I'll be sticking around for my time as an undergrad. I don't really want to, but that's the most logical thing for me right now for a lot of reasons. I'll most likely be going to NDSU. I'm thinking about majoring in Computer Science. I'd like to major in Computer Engineering and have a possible minor in Computer Science or something else, but I don't know if I could handle Computer Engineering. I'm excited though...nervous but excited.
Well, that's all for now.
I don't know why I even update this thing anymore. It doesn't do much for me, and I know that only a couple of people read it every once in a while. Eh.
Friday, January 16, 2009
Relieved
I feel so much better now that finals are over.
AP English, chemistry, band, AP Psych, and orchestra were all quite easy.
Anatomy was a little hard, but I think I did okay.
Latin was so hard, though... I feel just dead now. I feel like I don't have any brain cells left. I really should have studied harder, but honestly, I did study... I guess I just studied all the wrong things.
Normally I wouldn't really care about not doing all that well, but it's Latin... and I know that Volk takes it really personally, and I'm afraid that I've disappointed him.
Oh well. =/
I'm looking forward to this weekend.
We have a state officer meeting tomorrow. Hopefully we're going to get some state convention planning done.... We really need to get going on that.
Second semester will be okay. I hope it goes by quickly..
AP English, chemistry, band, AP Psych, and orchestra were all quite easy.
Anatomy was a little hard, but I think I did okay.
Latin was so hard, though... I feel just dead now. I feel like I don't have any brain cells left. I really should have studied harder, but honestly, I did study... I guess I just studied all the wrong things.
Normally I wouldn't really care about not doing all that well, but it's Latin... and I know that Volk takes it really personally, and I'm afraid that I've disappointed him.
Oh well. =/
I'm looking forward to this weekend.
We have a state officer meeting tomorrow. Hopefully we're going to get some state convention planning done.... We really need to get going on that.
Second semester will be okay. I hope it goes by quickly..
Thursday, January 8, 2009
Let's Discuss 2008
I'm a tiny bit late on this, but oh well.
2008 is over. We are now in 2009.
Wow, what a great introduction... I'm sure everyone knows that by now.
2008 was a busy, crazy year full of many ups, downs, changes, and so on. A lot happened now that I look back on it. As it was ending, I thought that it had been a pretty lame and not very dynamic year, but now that I think back... A LOT happened.
The year began with the last half of my junior year.
Some good things happened that year, but overall it was a bad year. I hated my job, I hated waking up every day, school sucked, I had CONSTANT bullshit issues with friends, I cut again for the first time in 2 1/2 years (as I mentioned in a blog several months ago), etc. It just sucked all around. If I had the opportunity to go back and change it, I would...but alas, I can't, so I'm not going to dwell on it.
I had a really fantastic summer, though.
I went to Nationals (as always) and loved every second of it.
I also went to the East Coast for about ten days and stayed with my uncles, which was amazing.
Because of that last trip, I've been dying to get out of the Midwest ever since I got back.
All in all, I just had a really great summer. I got to hang out with friends a lot, I got to have some relaxing days off, and I went on two insanely awesome and life-altering trips.
Senior year started in late August. It started off alright, but it took a long time for me to feel like, wow, this is really it... School has really started. I'm a senior now.
I finally feel like a senior now, though.
So far senior year has been okay.
I had some really rocky times shortly after it started, but I've definitely moved past all of that.
I've distanced myself from some people that I used to be really close with, and honestly, I feel much better now, and I'm sure they do too.
I'm glad that I don't have to keep dealing with the same petty problems that I've been dealing with with them for the past year or two. I'm glad that I don't have to feel pressured to call people up all the time. I'm glad I don't feel like shit about myself as much as I used to then.
I just feel a lot better.
I'm glad that I can still be "school" friends with some of those people, though. I don't want any bitterness or awkwardness or tension. I don't know.
Ultimately I'm glad that I decided to give up and distance myself from the old 'group' of friends, because it's been positive for me, and it sounds like they're all doing really well too, so you know... whatever. It worked out for everyone.
Anyway, moving on...
In December I went on two fun trips to the Cities. I went to Minnehaha for Latin and I went to the Cities for the music trip. Both trips were really amazing...especially the music trip. I made some new friends, and they're really neat people that I probably wouldn't have talked to had we not been on the trip together. I'm still talking to these new friends, and it's overall just been really positive.
So... to sum it up...
The beginning of 2008 was terrible.
The middle (being the summer) was incredible.
The beginning of the school year was lackluster and depressing.
The end of the year vastly improved. :)
I still have some things that are bothering me, but overall I feel a lot better.
I'm glad that I've been able to move on from some things, and I'm glad that I've gotten to move on to new things.
I don't know.
I don't feel quite as stressed as I usually do... I'm not so worried about college or my major or anything right now. What will happen will happen. I'm trying to learn how to relax more. I'm trying to come up with better ways to relax myself as well.
I'm really looking forward to 2009.
I have a good feeling about 2009. I really do. I want the rest of this year to go by quickly so I can move on to college. I'm very excited about college. :)
By the way, I typed this blog with my new laptop. ;)
My dog has been nuzzling me and bugging me the whole time. x]
2008 is over. We are now in 2009.
Wow, what a great introduction... I'm sure everyone knows that by now.
2008 was a busy, crazy year full of many ups, downs, changes, and so on. A lot happened now that I look back on it. As it was ending, I thought that it had been a pretty lame and not very dynamic year, but now that I think back... A LOT happened.
The year began with the last half of my junior year.
Some good things happened that year, but overall it was a bad year. I hated my job, I hated waking up every day, school sucked, I had CONSTANT bullshit issues with friends, I cut again for the first time in 2 1/2 years (as I mentioned in a blog several months ago), etc. It just sucked all around. If I had the opportunity to go back and change it, I would...but alas, I can't, so I'm not going to dwell on it.
I had a really fantastic summer, though.
I went to Nationals (as always) and loved every second of it.
I also went to the East Coast for about ten days and stayed with my uncles, which was amazing.
Because of that last trip, I've been dying to get out of the Midwest ever since I got back.
All in all, I just had a really great summer. I got to hang out with friends a lot, I got to have some relaxing days off, and I went on two insanely awesome and life-altering trips.
Senior year started in late August. It started off alright, but it took a long time for me to feel like, wow, this is really it... School has really started. I'm a senior now.
I finally feel like a senior now, though.
So far senior year has been okay.
I had some really rocky times shortly after it started, but I've definitely moved past all of that.
I've distanced myself from some people that I used to be really close with, and honestly, I feel much better now, and I'm sure they do too.
I'm glad that I don't have to keep dealing with the same petty problems that I've been dealing with with them for the past year or two. I'm glad that I don't have to feel pressured to call people up all the time. I'm glad I don't feel like shit about myself as much as I used to then.
I just feel a lot better.
I'm glad that I can still be "school" friends with some of those people, though. I don't want any bitterness or awkwardness or tension. I don't know.
Ultimately I'm glad that I decided to give up and distance myself from the old 'group' of friends, because it's been positive for me, and it sounds like they're all doing really well too, so you know... whatever. It worked out for everyone.
Anyway, moving on...
In December I went on two fun trips to the Cities. I went to Minnehaha for Latin and I went to the Cities for the music trip. Both trips were really amazing...especially the music trip. I made some new friends, and they're really neat people that I probably wouldn't have talked to had we not been on the trip together. I'm still talking to these new friends, and it's overall just been really positive.
So... to sum it up...
The beginning of 2008 was terrible.
The middle (being the summer) was incredible.
The beginning of the school year was lackluster and depressing.
The end of the year vastly improved. :)
I still have some things that are bothering me, but overall I feel a lot better.
I'm glad that I've been able to move on from some things, and I'm glad that I've gotten to move on to new things.
I don't know.
I don't feel quite as stressed as I usually do... I'm not so worried about college or my major or anything right now. What will happen will happen. I'm trying to learn how to relax more. I'm trying to come up with better ways to relax myself as well.
I'm really looking forward to 2009.
I have a good feeling about 2009. I really do. I want the rest of this year to go by quickly so I can move on to college. I'm very excited about college. :)
By the way, I typed this blog with my new laptop. ;)
My dog has been nuzzling me and bugging me the whole time. x]
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)